It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
