hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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