better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
