I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
