Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize