Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
