just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
