well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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