When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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