If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.