At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.