I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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