Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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