It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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