I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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