I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
