I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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