I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
