and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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