How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
