you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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