That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
