Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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