Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
