my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
