I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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