They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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