it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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