Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
