We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
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I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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