So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
