And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
