The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
