my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
