Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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