I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
