fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
