Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
