Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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