he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
