he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
