32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
