it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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