I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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