My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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