Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
