i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
