Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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