he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
