Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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