just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
