1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
