i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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