I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
