Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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