rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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