mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
