I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
