Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
