the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
