Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
