I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
