i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
