this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
