she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
