We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize