fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
