You can't motorboat a personality
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
