You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
