No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
