mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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