i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
