And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
