I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
