Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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