Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
