I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
