The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
