I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
