My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
